Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
