Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
