Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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