please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
