It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
