marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
