he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
