Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
