11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
