mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
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He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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