Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
