I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
