he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You've changed since you got that strap on
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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