Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
