I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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