Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
