I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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