I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
