also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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