It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
