He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
