i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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