how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
