I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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