Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
