You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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