I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
