Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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