I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
