I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
