Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
