i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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