It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
