My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
