you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
