Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
