i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize