I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
