how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
