none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
