You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
