it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
