They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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