i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
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