Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
