My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
