Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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