Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
