My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
