just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
