It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
