are you so shy because you have an std?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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