She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize