Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
