I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
