either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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