so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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