My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
