You can't motorboat a personality
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
