I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
