i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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