If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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