I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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