great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
