watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Randomize
