everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
