They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I cut my penus on the lid.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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