I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
