if i can run in heels then i can drive
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
