I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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